I'm not mad, just disappointed...

It's interesting how much more those words mean, compared to "I'm so angry with you! You're grounded, go to your room."

Today we had our 39 week check-up and it doesn't look like we've progressed any farther since last week. We're still dilated at 1.5 cm, but the cervix has thinned down to about an inch in length (which, I suppose, is some progress). I guess I was just hoping that we would have more news today as far as when Baby Z might make an appearance, but unfortunately, all our doctor was able to say was that it could be another week... or two.

I really shouldn't be complaining, since we're still a week away from our due date, but I guess I'm just bummed out because I feel like I'm wasting my maternity leave. Originally, I was a tad intimidated by spending 11 weeks away from the hospital, that I might forget everything and return to clinic as a sleep-deprived idiot. I even thought that after 11 weeks of staying at home, I might welcome the opportunity to go interact with other adults and do more than just sit on the couch. But now, I'm afraid that if we don't deliver until 41 weeks or later I will feel like I didn't have enough time with the baby and that I'll be crushed to go back to work. Since I have a tendency to make a catastrophe out of everything, I'm fearing that this is the only time I'll have to really spend with the baby, since once I go back I'll have overnight call and weekend clinic responsibilities, etc. It's just a hard balance. I'm not mad at Baby Z for staying in longer to bake, I'm just disappointed that I don't get to spend more one-on-one time with him/her. It's like the times when my dad would take off work to spend the day with us kids but we'd say that we'd rather go to a friend's house. I want to hang out with Baby Z, but apparently Baby Z wants to chill in the clubhouse for a little longer. Although, I do have to praise him/her for obeying Jordan and staying in long enough for him to get done with so much work in the lab. ;) And, I suppose there are plenty of old wives' tales we can look up to see about speeding this process along... I've already received some great recipes and other suggestions.

We had a sonogram today before our appointment with the doctor, and we learned that Baby Z's heart rate is still around 120, he/she weighs 7 lbs 15 oz (+/- 1 lb), and that he/she is measuring exactly as a 39 week fetus should, which is all great news. We even got to see that beautiful, full head of hair again, and watch Baby Z practice using his/her diaphragm muscles for "practice breathing."

So, even though Jordan and I were crossing our fingers for a Halloween Baby, we might just have to wait a little longer.

In other news- when Jordan and I adopted Stewie almost 2 years ago, he was a rescue, and had even been referred to as a "dumpster kitty," by the organization we adopted him from. We often joked that he led "a really tough life" before we brought him to "rehab" at the Zuccarelli House. We would create these elaborate stories about how Stewie used to sell himself for drug money, and I even had a couple of dreams where we'd find Stewie in the kitchen, drinking a beer or smoking. I know, we're weird. But, nevertheless, we've always wondered what Stewie's life was like before he met us. Last week, when we took him in to get declawed, they drew some blood for preanesthesia clearance. Apparently, his white cell count was low, and our vet recommended that we check Stewie for FIV and feline leukemia. Evidently FIV is the same sort of virus as HIV, and it has the same implications as the human version. We immediately consented for the test, and spent the next 5 days worrying that Stewie maybe had sold himself for drugs or was sharing needles with other kitties in a dumpster in Kansas City somewhere and that now he was going to be FIV+ and die of leukemia. But, thankfully, the vet called me this morning and reassured me that the tests both came back negative, that his lowered WBC was probably just a fluke thing, and that they'd check it again at his next appointment. Phew!

So, with a healthy baby on the way and a healthy kitty here at home, we certainly have a lot to be thankful for, and I should stop complaining. ;)