Rough day

Talk about a rough day. One of the many responsibilities of a physician, including resident physicians, is testifying in court. I received my first subpoena a few months ago and was summoned to court today for an abuse case for termination of parental rights. It was terrifying. I was under the impression I was testifying as a fact witness, but I turned out to be considered an expert witness, meaning that I was asked about my opinions related to the manner in which the injuries could have been inflicted. It was empowering and humbling at the same time. It overall went smoothly but left me feeling crummy. I went back to the hospital afterwards, where I'm rotating through the neonatal ICU, and, after a meeting, somehow ended up running into one of the parents involved in the case. We didn't exchange any words but I did receive a few awkward glances. Then, after all that yuckiness, we had two neonatal deaths today. One baby was delivered at 16 weeks and another at 21 weeks. As I performed the stillbirth exam I felt our 17 week baby move. It was such an eerie experience. As any of you who have read far enough back in this blog know, I have quite a bit of experience working with babies this size from my experience working at Planned Parenthood, but it's such a different feeling going through this experience while pregnant, especially with a baby the same size/age. On a happier note, I started feeling the baby move a few days ago! It's still too early for Jordan to be able to feel the movements so I'm just enjoying it myself for now. Jordan and I are looking forward to some much-needed time off with our vacation to the Lake of the Ozarks coming up this weekend to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary. We'll be staying together, alone, in a wonderful resort for a couple of nights. We're planning on golfing, maybe getting some massages and enjoying some nice quiet dinners together in addition to hanging out on the water... but, with how tired and overworked we've both been this semester, we may just end up sleeping the whole time! And, because I haven't shared any updates about Marshall in quite some time, our little boy is blossoming before our eyes! His language has exploded and he says the most amazing, darling, and often hilarious things. He knows his ABCs and can count from 1-10 in English and Spanish. He runs around and loves to play with squirt guns. He is going to bed later at bedtime and skipping naps more frequently, reminding me that he's not quite a toddler anymore and nearly a preschooler. He loves to kiss "his baby" and loves to be around kids of all ages, but especially babies. The potty training thing didn't really go so well when we tried in March, but we're hoping to try again in August. He helped us plant a garden this spring to learn about where food comes from and he loves to pick and eat sugar snap peas straight from the plant. When it's bedtime Marshall likes to cuddle and stroke my arm and brush my hair and tell me that I don't have to be afraid of dinosaurs, bad guys, mean men, dolphins, snakes or monsters because Daddy will protect us.

I had the sad, sad realization the other day that Marshall will be nearly 7 years old by the time I finally finish with residency and our new baby will be nearly 4 years old. I love what I do and I can't imagine myself doing anything else, but sometimes I feel so guilty for choosing this profession because of the sacrifices my family and I have had to make as a result. But, I'm hopeful, as everyone keeps telling me, that it'll all pay off in the end and our lives will be all the more richer for me going through this experience. Here's a photo of the bump!